Jokes
"I consider myself quite a comedian, so I don't understand why people keep telling me‘Don’t quit your day job!’"
Hilary and Bill Clinton remind me of the Lion and the Lamb. She caught him "lion", and now he’s meek as a "lamb".
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A husband came in from a doctor’s appointment and as he is speaking to his family, he mentioned a deviated septum. His young son asked "A what ‘tum’?" Dad answered "A septum son." Son says "What’s a septum?" His sister spoke up rather curtly and said "Oh David you know what that is . . . It’s when someone wants to join your club and you all vote whether or not to septum!"
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I know a young lady who is starting a benevolent fund for an animal, she says she knows a skunk that doesn’t give a (s)cent.
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I have nothing. You say you want nothing. So I give you my nothing. If I give you my nothing I have, what do l have? It can’t be nothing, because l gave that to you. What would you say l have?
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Years ago when I was a lad, I went to stay on my uncle’s farm for the summer. My Uncle George proceeded to teach me how to milk a cow the old fashioned way, by hand . . . squeeze and pull. Later when we were having supper, my aunt Edith asked "Well George, how did our nephew do today?" Without looking up and never missing a note, Uncle George replied "It was udder disaster, Edith."
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